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Saturday, November 14, 2015

policing

Highway patrol officers do not rely on their vehicle's factory-fitted speedometer to record speed because of inaccuracies. Instead, each vehicle is fitted with a digital speedometer which sits atop the dashboard and conveys a readout which is calibrated from the car's differential.
One of the big questions motorists ask police is the level of tolerance given to a speeding driver; or in more basic terms, "How fast can I go before you pull me over?" Inspector Cook answers this question firmly: If you exceed the speed limit, you are committing an offence."

Friday, November 13, 2015

Text message

As some of you have deduced I am a Aboriginal elder and just sometimes things happen and last night was the time for it to happen.
Heres what happened..............
2am  Australian eastern time the text went off on my phone beep beep two at once.
The text was an unnamed lady and to clarify it even further it was from the old lady that used to live in the house next door......
Now I'm awake fully and alert being an old fella I then heard noises coming from next door so I rang the owner of the house and he rang the police I think,but I could be wrong at this point.
The owner turned up first followed by the police.
Being one of the originals and a shaman, I sent curses out on the individuals who I never once saw.
Like pointing the bone and let me tell you you never want the bone pointed at ya.
I went and pulled on some clothes and went out the back turned on the lights and two houses out the back I heard what was like a dog fight on a hot sheet of corrugated iron with some sheila yelling out let him go.
Bad shit happens around me since finding out I am a aboriginal shaman, I'm an engineer and this shit scares me more than it did that young fella.
The end result is he will spend quality family time with his kin outside Nowra court house and even given time of school. Mum will have to give him a feed at some posh restaurant as well. The sentence will be to write an ilegiable letter to the owner and like the one I got will be unreadable and he will then go on to further his own career in crime.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

the saga goes on



Twas a night to remember.
Lee Anne came in and said it was hot turned the ceiling fan on and it blew the lighted candles off the end of the bed onto the Donna and I grabbed the donna and threw it out the door on my return the smoke from the candles filled the room. Thats when I said don't worry there is still the gypsy wagon down the back yard. Well the fiery blonde started at me and called me a psycho maniac idiot and all I was after was one thing.....Then she walked out and was gone ten minutes later it started to poor down rain and she was on the way to the station and I must admit I had to smile. She was right in what she said, I was only after one thing and never got it. Never again will I ever try to dine a woman at my house and I have stacked the candles on the side table to remind me of the night I nearly burnt down my own house. I guess she was right on two counts I was an idiot.
More reason to grow the beard back.
PS I was going to put more candles on the blades of the ceiling fan as well. Now how many of my friends can beat these photos and story on facebook.

I am trying......

Sorry for not dancing tonight I had other things to do (Lea Anne)
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Some time ago I wrote about Lee Anne and the tea light candles well the saga goes on. Having been fined by Shoalhaven City Council for sleeping in her car she decided to come back. She said that the only way she could be kept here is if she lost her keys and didn't have her credit card. 
Some time ago I wrote about Lee Anne and the tea light candles well the saga goes on. Having been fined by Shoalhaven City Council for sleeping in her car she decided to come back. She said that the only way she could be kept here is if she lost her keys and didn't have her credit card. 
Being the inventive type I decided to fix the problem. Whilst she was asleep I got her keys and put them into the big tub in the freezer and filled it with water and froze it over night That was the keys sorted then I glued her credit card to the table. All set permanent house cleaner.
When she woke and went looking for the keys and card I then showed her what I had done expecting a that's good thinking reply. The bloody sheila went into a friggen rage like a tornado bent on destroying the place. To my bloody surprise she had duplicates stashed away in her bag and left waking the neighbors six houses up on each side.
These are the joys of dating in these times never a dull moment.