New Journey

Depression is taking hold. I find loss unbearable also realising the relationships I worked for failing and I don’t know what to do. I feel utterly alone and very depressed.
In an attempt to improve matters I went on a cruse and ended up in hospital with a heamatoma which  is bleeding on the outside of my brain. Two weeks in intensive care saw the end of the problem but then the death of my eldest son, That was twelve months ago

I can no longer find a reason to get up in the morning, . Depression is a very dark, difficult thing to deal with and unless they’ve been there people don’t understand. I have two other sons one who has depression.

I reasoned with myself that they had left home and would be able to get over my death and go on to have happy lives. Things have gotten so bad that all I could think about was suiside. I even called life line and they even hung up on me. I was alone totally alone with the electric company cutting off my power for not paying there bill.
DECISSION TIME.
Realising I needed help I relied on close friends who listened to my woes and my son saying pay the bill. Then I was hit with a fine by the police for not stopping at a stop sign I fought it but they would not listen or give me a court day so I will pay there fine for my own sanity.
For me there was a limit to how much I could be helped in that environment, much of my illness surrounded the circumstances of my life and only I could change them.
After a lot of soul searching I decided I should do the hardest thing I could think of hit the road.
I had to put myself in a situation where I would literally have to fight for my survival every day instead of thinking about how to end my life.
While others might decide to lay on a beach or take time off work my solution was a world away from any conventional approach to beating depression.
I thought about going off camping but that had many difficulties. I wanted a place that could be a proper home and was mobile. I had built a gypsy caravan, and was going to set off into the back roads of Australia.
I had no gypsy heritage or any former interest in or knowledge of that kind of lifestyle except for ten years with a motor home. I am just sick of the rat race and wanted a simple life living off the countryside and that seemed a good way of doing it.
My gypsy wagon was to be pulled by my car which was not really what I wanted
No one knows why the  need to escape routine.
The decission was then made I will buy a motor home it had to be four wheel drive to really get away.
Knowing from years before in another motor home it was the kindness of strangers that helped me to see life could be worth living.
I met many people along the way (including a wife who has since long gone on her own,) and their kindness was one of the biggest things in helping me to feel better and rediscovering my desire to live.
Horse drawn vehicle is not going to happen as the distances and lack of water would be to limiting in Australia.
Everywhere I went people wanted to talk to me. So the decission has been made I am going off on a new journey I will take small steps at first and then do a final break away in the near future. I have a travelling companion Teddy the dog and a one legged Humpry teddy bear.
THE  JOURNEY IS BEGINING.
More up dates in the future.

Just triping arround

This is my first river crossing

The end of the road on this road

designed by god the comedy.

What a laugh this guy god has a sense of humor how else could it be explained. He makes this wondrous world we live in then he makes man.
Then to really crack things up he breaks a piece of the man and makes woman in so doing he stuffs things up badly.
The man is missing something his rib. It was the only piece that contained evol that's right evol.
Now this woman is made of all evol not to be confused with evil which some say is bad.
Not having any evol the man go in search of the missing ingredient and he searches high and low and it is not to be found anywhere.
During the search that lasts a lifetime and many die on the way they search and in the twilight years the man thinks and searches his memories to no eval. On his death bed he confesses that the truth is missing and the search must go on.
Now I have been given the challenge and I have figured it out. It is so retarded that the answer lies before you.
Live and lave in the love.......Go figure the eval.

Some things

Life has been good to me but some things I find I can not have. The really neat thing I really would give up everything for would be love. Lasting love the kind you read about in books. But I am afraid it eludes me and teases me to the point of becoming a hermit. Just the other week I meet an amazing lady and her time is taken up with other things that are more important than what I could ever be. I say that with compassion because just some times life throws a curve ball that just annihilates you to the tipping point in this life. Then there is some things that will never be. To all those ladies and men who have families that are bringing them up alone I salute you.  To all those children you should be so proud that someone takes the time to love and cherish you the only way a mother or father ever could.
So with that said I will have to be selfish and just get along with my lonesome life. Smiling all the way.
CHEERS

Today in Australia

Crop circles photographed today

Below shows the flying spider of Australia very rare photo taken this morning

solar power back up

Many days with rain and overcast weather one needs a back up power source. The mind jumps to a generator and its cost. I have had this trouble and then there is the associated noise.

The answer is the car yes the one you drive every day connect to the battery bank and now you can push into the batteries 78 amps of power and the noise is minimal. Different cars have different alternators and power outputs. Just not enough to run the dishwasher but it will run the fridge and the air conditioner which is reverse cycle.

A story of love.

This is a true story of love between a pieces and a Scorpio one a rat and the other a tiger. The female is the rat and the Scorpio. This is between a man and a woman of 56 and  the man 66. They meet on a dance floor in a brief encounter of the eyes. The deal is struck in the blink of an eye. Cupid and his stupid arrows fired at close range with deadly accuracy. Definitely no chance of escape. Both have been hurt in the past badly. Both are going to fight of this thing called love off, in there dreams.
Those two meet and enjoyed each others company for a couple of days over the next weeks falling into the trap of love.
They have made there minds up friends only,
HA.
 I can only talk from the mans perspective cause I am he. Sworn off women and love. the drought has been over six years. This is a sinch I got it all planned never again
Short phone call wont hurt will it?
Not on your Nelly....The next bit was written at the time.
Its 1 am and just got off the internet after doing some research time for sleep and normally it comes easily. Head hits the pillow and the eyes spring open. Then the scary bit and I mean scary.
Laying here in pain body vibrating between life and who knows where,  Mussels aching head aching to the point of end. Life seems to be slipping away nerves are being smashed to pieces. I am being dissolved. Life seems to be taken away from me. ( This is pain more intense than a heamatoma which experienced a year ago which needed brain surgery)
I have only pain of all types acting on me at once. Emotions mucking with my head. I rang lifeline and they hung up on me I do not want to die alone. Every part of my being is affected. This is shit of the finest quality amazing stuff that one can not think of or even imagine. I do not want to die and I do not want to go on..........................Blacked out......................woke up and the computer screen is on. I had used it and didn't know..My mind is blank and the feelings of numbness is over me, Its like I am going to sleep and I am awake, sleep might take me and allow my body to heal but from what.
This is a sequal of a time before may years ago and just getting married having sex and the pain flowing over my brain like water pored onto dry concrete. There is a fine line between pleasure and pain and I crossed it.
What does one do this love thing hurts, I did not ask for it but it came to me. I was minding my own mind then crash its there a total train wreck and me in the middle. I'm just a selfish bastard thinking of my self what about the poor lady.
Hey stop laughing its not funny. There has been no sex yet now that might be another story......
I do love her even though it bloody well hurts.