Hopefully this is the final in the series maybe not!

 

Letter from the Case Manager

To: Mr. [Your Name]
From: The Office of Ongoing Confusion, Department of Patient Management
Re: Your Situation (whatever it currently is)

Dear Mr. [Your Name],

I trust this letter finds you in stable-ish condition.
First, allow me to apologise for vanishing abruptly after our enlightening chat.
You see, the moment I told you that you weren’t mentally ill, I was reassigned — apparently, making sense is outside my job description.

I want to reassure you that your case is still very much “in progress,” though no one can confirm what progress means in this context.
The official file now lists you as:

“Patient: Functional, funny, possibly metaphysical.”

Since our last meeting, your case has been reviewed by twelve professionals and one intern who thought “bowel” was spelled with an “a.”
Collectively, they’ve determined that your primary issue is being too self-aware of the system itself, which is not currently billable but is considered contagious.

The blood tests, scans, and mystery procedures continue under our new initiative, Operation Let’s Just See What Happens.
If you experience any new symptoms, please report them immediately to your nearest reception desk, where a lovely person will hand you a clipboard and vanish for forty minutes.

As your case manager (in spirit, if not in location), I want to commend you for your resilience.
Most patients break down after Test #37.
You, however, have developed humour — an unapproved but highly effective coping mechanism.
We’re considering prescribing it to others, pending funding approval.

In closing, please remember:

• You’re not mentally ill.

• You might be the only sane one here.

• And no, I still don’t know what half your diagnoses mean, but I’m confident someone, somewhere, is writing a report about it.

Warm regards (and mild confusion),
Gavin McChart, Case Manager (Emeritus)
Currently on indefinite reassignment to “Special Circumstances.”